Changing Gardens. By DA.
It's all the rage this makeover business. Take over someone's
house, slap some paint on the walls, erect an MDF plant-stand and you have a TV
Here's the next big thing: The retro garden makeover.
Tosspot presenter: Standing in ornate garden filled with
last-years makeover crazes.
"Well what are you going to do here Gavin?"
Pretentious garden "expert".
"I think this needs to be
taken back to basics. A kind of neo-80's chique with a 'New reality' feel to
it, you know, like your dad's garden had?"
"So how are you going to start?"
"Well, we'll rip up all this decking for a
start, it SO 90's. Then we take up the eastern meditation grotto and put
down a nice big square lawn."
"Down one side we'll have a straight
"The big blue concrete wall over there we can knock
down and that'll leave room for a gnome sanctuary"
Titters with excitement.
"At the end of the garden will be the
centre-piece. I call it the 'Shed'! It'll really set off the compost heap which
we will have there" (points in general direction of water-feature) and we'll
replace that with a nice garden tap."
TP Gushes with enthusiasm and sycophancy. "And the front
"Oh we'll concrete that over so we can park a
car on it. Any spare space we can fill with an old fridge or
"Well that sounds just fabulous. You have
£12.50 to spend so let's get started!"
Viewers switch off in droves, crisis in TV industry, heads will
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