A Christmas Story. By DA.
The clan chiefs had gathered, they had important matters to
"It is a sign.." spoke one, a small greenish man with one large
hand. "something portentous!"
"What is this, so-called sign of yours Hartenk?" Enquired
Roddyton, sneering malevolently. He was a weasely looking type with bluish hair
who obviously considered himself superior to his companions.
Hartenk shifted from foot to foot to foot (he had three) "I have
seen a most curious event.. something, momentous!"
"Momentous? Ha!" muttered Roddyton "Like that time you told us
the sun had gone out, and it turned out to be an eclipse?"
"Gentlemen please!" A tall yellow gentleman wearing unfeasibly
long leggings shuffled up. "I have seen it too!"
"Teggitall, you are corroborating this fool's story? Have you
taken leave of your senses?" scowled Roddyton, flicking his blue hair out of
his single eye. "What, prey tell, have you seen that is sooo
Teggitall swayed gently as he untangled his trouserage. "A star
"A star? Fallen? Surely the ground would have shaken with the
force of such an impact? I felt no shaking."
"You wouldn't have felt a thing if it had, the amount you
drink!" Retorted Hartenk.
"Shushh! The pair of you." Teggitall was getting aerated "I saw
a star fall, a small one I admit, but a star all the same. It fell last night
and it is not of this world!"
"Not of this world? How can you be sure?" Roddytron looked
concerned for the first time. "You have examined this.. err.. fallen star?"
"Yes. It is not 50 foils from here. We must go and pay our
respects to the alien visitor."
"Well you can go if you like. I haven't had my breakfast
"Breakfast?" Shouted Teggitall. "This is no time for breakfast!"
He looked at his watch. "Well, yes it is time for breakfast but it is
not the time for breakfast. We must go and pay homage to our
"Alright alright, I'm coming. What do you suggest we pay homage
with? I'm no good at buying presents for the wife, let alone interplanetary
"Hmm good question." Teggitall looked around the room. There was
a cabinet in the corner. On it stood some small boxes of exotic spices and
such, used for sprinkling over the smellier kind of visitor from the outlands.
" We'll take some of these."
Later that morning the three chiefs set off for the site of the
star-fall. There was a bit of a hold up on the border as they tried to explain
to a jobsworth of a customs officer; why they were travelling to the outlands
carrying deodorants, and they reached the place as the sun was setting.
"Behold!" Cried Hartenk, getting all excited. "The most amazing
"Doesn't look much does it?" Said Roddyton. "You sure this is
"Yes, I saw it fall." Hartenk was beside himself with glee. "It
came whistling through the sky, then it hovered on an umbrella thing and
crashed into that rock."
They examined the shattered object, five blue panels lay broken
on the red ground and a white frying-pan like object was whirring gently
The three men picked over the parts.
"What does this say?" Cried Teggitall excitedly, holding up a
small metal plate. It carried the legend "BEAGLE2 Made in Leicester" but
the three were at at loss as to understand it.
"It is surely a sign of a more advanced civilisation somewhere
across the galaxy. We shall build a great religion on this event and we will
wage wars and subdue anyone who gainsays this new way!"
And so they gathered up the parts and they planned the building
of a fine temple, the greatest on Mars, in which the fragments were to be
stored for all eternity.
Well, that was the plan. But they all died of the common cold
three days later.
© Winamop & DA 2003
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