On the planet Spielberg,
light years away and light years more advanced than Earth, the long dormant
Council on Earth Matters was meeting. The Council had been formed a number of
years ago when it was discovered that an obscure planet, Earth, had somehow
developed intelligent life, although several of the Council members disputed
that in lieu of Earths subsequent history of wars, plagues, famines,
religious intolerance and more recently, reality television, rock music and
At its last meeting, four
years ago, the Council considered the Earth situation when it was reported that
the two candidates for president of the United States, considered the leading
country on the planet, were Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. From its start
some members of the Council had recommended doing away with Earth and putting
its inhabitants out of their misery once and for all. At least two or three
expressed their fear that one day Earth might be able to send spaceships to
other planets and so perhaps contaminate the Universe.
When they were told about
Trump and Clinton this anti-Earth bloc had immediately said, That does it. One
of our warships can easily do it. Eliminate the Earth and let us be merciful,
do it now before the debates start. However, the pro-Earth bloc had countered
that they should wait and see what happens (a favorite statement, as it turned
out, of Donald Trump). The anti-Earth bloc said this had been their argument
countless times before, after the Spanish Inquisition, World War I and World
War II, the atom bombs, the spread of television and now the obsession with
iPhones. And now look at where things had come to -Trump against a Democrat
named Joe Biden, who might be even more inept than Hillary Clinton.
Once again the pro-Earth
bloc argued that they should wait and see, give Earth one more chance. The
anti-Earth bloc said enough was enough . Trump versus Hillary had been bad.
Trump versus Biden , hard as that was to believe, was even worse. However,
there was another matter to consider. A pandemic of something called the
coronavirus had started early in the year and sweeping over the globe. The
pro-Earth bloc said to give the earthlings a chance to see if they could stop
this pandemic and survive. If they didnt survive the Earth would be
doomed anyway and they would be spared the expense of dispatching a warship to
do the job. The anti-Earth bloc argued that inflicting Trump-Biden debates on a
country already reeling from the coronavirus would be cruel and inhumane
punishment. End it now. The wrangling continued until finally the
Chairman of the Council banged down his gavel and said, All right.
Im sick of all this arguing over that insignificant little planet.
Well take a vote. In the event of a tie, Ill decide. After the
vote, refreshments will be served in the anteroom.