Dilemmas of a Lonely Man
by Don Magin
Should I buy deodorant
Or simply anti-perspirant?
Whatever will my darling think?
Will she forgive me if I stink?
Or would it cause her much more pain
To see me with an armpit stain?
That's not the only choice I have
When choosing products for my lav
My mouthwash too leaves me perplexed
Does mint make me seem oversexed?
Or will my mediciny breath
Bring about romantic death?
Toothpaste choice, another blur.
Which do I think she would prefer?
Does she look for whiter teeth
Or does she see decay beneath?
Will baking soda be the best
Or paste plus gel provide the zest?
My hair will also be a focus
Needing serious hocus-pocus
What should I get to halt the frizz
Check shampoo analysis:
Dimethicone might do the trick
(or is that just expensive shtick?)
Will stearates leave a pearly finish
Or make my hair appear too thinnish?
Whats this retinyl palmitate,
Does it affect fertility rate?
Can what I use to groom my pelt
Affect, you know, below my belt?
Also meets with disapproval.
Girls didnt use to give a hoot
If I was classified hirsute.
Beware Down There of being fuzzy,
Its tantamount to being scuzzy.
Decisions like this give me pause
Are not there romantic laws?
From what I see on my TV
It seems that surely there must be.
If fresh and clean is how it seems,
Then she will love me! -- in my dreams!
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