"TWIGLETS" by John Atkins.

An original poetic form?
Or just a very long title followed by a very short poem..

Poem about a young man who went to the fair
intending to have a good time and find a simple unaffected
country maid whom he could take home across the fields
and make love to on the way

He failed.
In fact, after a few enquiries he was jailed.

Words addressed by a parson to his congregation
a recent member of which had just been apprehended by the police
on a charge of stealing two silver candlesticks from a country house
and half a dozen eggs from the parson's own hen coop

The wages of sin is death.
But I might as well hold my breath.

Scathing remark made by the skipper to the first mate
as they silently watched a new hand being sick over the gunwale

He's no notion
Of the ripples on a millpond, let alone the swell of the ocean.

The fully justified grouse of an old gaffer who had just spent
several minutes of his time recounting the history of his village
to a sightseer who had then got into his car and driven away

Local custom
Expects some recompense - but there, you can't trust 'em.

Statement of policy by an enthusiastic Francophobe from Birmingham
directed at a Parisian business man about to depart unscathed
to his native country after four years of exile

You and your talk of Paris!
I've no time for it, I'm English, and my name's Joe Harris!

Lament of a young man stranded at the railway terminus forlorn
and hopeless, deserted by the moon and the stars of his existence
and compelled to find solace in a railway canteen bun
than which there is no more depressing fate.

Oh bun,
More deadly than a gun, she was my moon and stars - but vetoed fun.

Frigid reply of a hard-worked and indigent husband
who has been asked once again by his wife
(whom he had originally married because of her gaiety)
for the establishment of a joint banking account

I view with alarm
Your obvious conviction that you can get what you want merely by an exercise of charm.

Comment of a young lady who went to Selfridges to buy her grandma
a xmas present but finding nothing suitable went on to the corner house
where she spent the money she had saved
on cream cakes and ices (North Poles, Peach Melbas, Sundaes and such)

I shouldn't wonder.
If I haven't made a blunder.

Shaft of wit directed by an aging yet still lively commissionaire
outside a cinema, being wheedled and coaxed by an attractive young woman
who was opposing all the force of her charm against the large House-Full notice
which it was the said commissionaire's duty to bring to the attention of the public

Madam,
The house is full and no purpose can be served by appealing to my Old Adam.

Soliloquy of a high-class bankrupt who had tried really hard
but nevertheless had always been unable to keep sufficient check
on his debit column with his credit column a perpetual also ran.

Once again I've erred.
Net result: I'll temporarily have to travel third.

Short-tempered remark made by an irate old gentleman
to a youth who had trodden violently on his toe and had then apologised
in an unnecessarily long spate of words

It's no excuse
To imagine that apologies provide any consolation merely because they are profuse.

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Please do not reproduce them without consent.