2nd
hand.
the goodwill
on Bloor
was fantastic - I'd
looked up flats near there
before I got lucky
and ended up in
Kensington;
it was right next to
a stripclub
and I liked browsing
the shirts
and
imagining
that some of them had
been tore
from the backs of
men
who'd got a little too
into the show. they had
quite a lot of books
too
and you could pick up a
set of weights
2 dollars
and a shirt to show the
chest you got
5 dollars
more.
the paintings were all
bad
and they never seemed
to change a leather jacket
but up and down the
aisles
the kids tried out
bikes
and a girl in
sunglasses
would be checking out a
party dress
and saying to
strangers
"hey
do you think
if I spin too fast in
this
it'll keep my ass
on?"
The wine. Like
Macbeth.
She sat
there
across from
me.
Red mouth
open,
tongue
like a lizard on a
rock.
And her skirt was
pinched in fists
and bunched over her
spread knees.
Hours drunk
on whiskey
that she had been
mixing 50/50
with dollar store
cola
and chunks of sinkwater
ice.
And I was pretty well
gone too -
waiting to get paid had
left me hungry
all week
and I told
her,
said "Baby, I can't
move over there,
I can't spare the
protein, you want to be in my head
to see how dizzy I am?
Did you ever see that movie? I feel like
that guy who got
shot
and he tries to
move
and moving is what
kills him. I'm ok now
but if I move I think
I'll die."
She sneered at
me
and whirled her
skirts.
Showed leg and white
skin
all the way to the
corners
slightly fatty but with
shape
and patterns from the
chair.
And she said
"I leave it here out
for you
like a plate -
chopped and
served
and
steaming,
red and dreadful
juicy
and even now you can't
fuck me,
can you?
Even now you're sitting
there
in that chair my mother
bought me
all that wine down your
chest -
what's even the point
of having you here?
I called you up to fuck
me
and you just want to
sit there and let that wine get you
and talk. What movie?
You think I brought you up here to talk about movies?
This isn't a checkers
game, king me."
She drank more of her
black sticky mixture
slugging the sweetness
of it over her teeth
and onto her red
tongue
red and
waiting
for more sugar to go
down
and leave her even
fatter
and more squeezed out
than before.
"The wine", I said
"like Macbeth, baby.
No power, but the will
all the same. Let me try this."
And
I tried to get up, moved forward, hit one of the bottles with one of my feet,
staggered like King Kong at the top of the tower, and fell until I was on all
fours awful on the carpet, looking at the carpet, yellow with cigarette air and
red in patches with spilled wine and cola. And I looked up, and I looked
through her knees and long white-pale legs at their center, the short blonde
hairs
prickling like desert
plants, and between them the rest, open
and glistening like
spilled strawberry jam.
And it was a few feet
away from me.
And it might as well
have been miles.
And I let my
head,
heavy with
winefill
and gravity's
pull,
flop forward like a
water barrel onto its side
and with my fingers
I slightly rubbed the
frayed and balding footrest
of her mother's sofa
seat.
"Macbeth",
she said, sneering again. "You and your fucking Macbeth. And that Shakespeare.
Your problem is that you were reading books in highschool while everyone else
was learning how to fuck. You and your Shakespeare and your George Orwell and
your Frank O'Hara and your Joan Didion and your Richard Adams. God, why do all
the guys I bring home only want to talk about Shakespeare", she said. "I need
someone who talks like a normal man. Next time I'll find someone who never read
any books."
My new leather
jacket.
today
I treated
myself,
picked up
a new
leather
jacket.
and I like
it,
my leather jacket. it's
brown
as the inside of an oak
tree
and wearing
it
I feel like a
shark;
a little broad at the
shoulders
and loose around the
wrists
but giving all the same
an impression of speed.
my last leather
jacket
has been on
me
every day
for almost 8 years
now
so I thought it was
about the time
that I got a
new
leather jacket. the old
one
looked burned by now
anyway,
stained out and
scorched with the winey grease of ages -
stories half
remembered,
girls
kissed,
rain
catching handclaps on
cigarettes.
it was built to my
body
like an old
car
that nobody else could
start.
I felt like an old
sofa
in that
jacket.
this new leather
jacket
is crisp
and shiny as astronaut
teeth.
it suits my
complexion
and wearing
it
feels like leaning
against a wall in the sun.
god
plays cards with men -
the cards are marked
some sneaky way
and he keeps mixing up
the rules
between blackjack,
pogs, and tabletennis.
in my old
jacket,
softened with spilled
drinks
I was lucky
if I could get away
with my shoes on.
in this new
one
I feel like I could
throw the table sideways,
finally scatter the
dice and the deckchairs,
lean over
and punch
god
a good one
quite on the
mouth.
Drinking with
Matt.
if we were going to go
drinking
we were going to
go
drinking -
it was
serious
going
drinking
with Matt. he was
probably
the best friend in
London,
but boy,
he knew where drink
went. he once invited me around
and told me to show
up
10am
to his house south of
the city.
then it was the pub
with no preamble -
cheap drinks in wetherspoons at breakfast,
losing at
darts,
cigarettes
and whole pitchers of
liqour
served
like we could force
down the sun.
we worked
together
and in work
he was funny
and stretched relaxed
as a cat
but he got things done.
here
it was the same.
I haven't been
back
in a while
to London
but I bet
he's drunk
tonight
beer in glasses, wine,
white vodka,
flowers of
summer
blooming and blooming
like fire
again and
again.
A beautiful
Tuesday.
instead of making
plans
we let the weather
decide
and ended up staying in
bed all day
listening to
hail
as it played against
the window.
snatches of simple
static music
from a radio
in a foreign
country
spun out on long
distance stations
as they settle between
stars.