Little Spider
by Fred Miller

 

 

Unseen powers and blithe fates, rid me of this thief,

Who fills my mornings, my evenings, my life with grief-

This spider, omniscient, omnipotent, urbane.

Begone! You’re everywhere, you’re driving me insane.

 

Hark!  Heinous adversary, prepare to respond.

Choose your weapons and get ready for what’s beyond.

Don’t hide, little spider; come out with scant lament.

I’ve plans for you, say, a monument in cement.

 

We sprayed you, we dusted you and Swiffered you out.

All looks clean, so spotless. Why my lingering doubt?

We vacuumed you and swept you up into the wind.

Now I harbor fears you’ll reappear with a grin.

 

At night fraught with terror, I’m eyeing the transom.

Should I call in a ref or offer a ransom?

I’m terrified I may sleep with an open mug.

And the last thing I need is a mouth full of bug.

 

Oh, multitudes of webs, my solution’s quite real.

No longer may you count on my home for a meal.

I’ll teach you a lesson, tiny beast of the earth.

How will I regard your absence? With joy and mirth.

 

You hide in corners and nooks and frighten my wife,.

Your webs, your strings stand ready to end my calm life.

To the thump of my broom, my trusty mop of fame,

Prepare to breathe your last or skedaddle in shame.

 

You’re soon to be eaten, appetizer enjoyed,

Tasty morsel you’ll be; a gecko I’ve employed.

Your spider days are numbered, of this rest assured.

I’m in bliss that this affliction will soon be cured.

 

What’s that dark mass in your web high up on the wall?

Don’t look at me with laugher; I think I will bawl.

Could it be my new friend who eyed me with a smile?

You’ve gotten my goat, my stomach’s now filled with bile.

 

Would it be considered bad form or a bit rude,

To ask you to change your plans, and perhaps your mood,

And travel to parts unknown and leave sans notice?

Perhaps to the land of pagodas and lotus?

 

A reflection of new webs? Oh, a fresh warning.

There’s been a birthing, new babies aborning.

’Tis a breeze from the window, a new flash of light.

Marshal the troops, get the spray for heartless new fights.

 

Her children are everywhere; has this pest no guilt?

I gaze at the table, at my soup, at my milk,

I’ve not eaten for days; yes, my appetite’s gone.

I look toward the heavens. Have I done something wrong?

 

Just for you I’d flood this house, burn it to the ground.

You’ll frown, you’ll hop like a clown, just maybe you’ll drown.

Hear this, unworthy one, bane of my existence,

I’d salt the earth to overcome your resistance.

 

Ah, now I perceive she’s gone, Yes, I sense new bliss.

Some tranquility at last. Should I believe this?

Not in nooks or shadows, not up on the ceiling.

I smell a rat, a spider, it’s a bad feeling.

 

On the wall again.  Oh, I see your dance, your smirk.

For you, I wish dank darkness where evil must lurk.

My eyes are on you; expect a future of doom.

Your time is coming, spider, full of ruin and gloom.

 

Oh, wicked little spider, smaller than a mouse,

It profits me naught to dream of an unsoiled house.

Your cravings, your ethics, your morals need mending.

Your forays across my space remain unending.

 

You, who skulks around in silence, oh, hear my cry.

At your demise, could I shed a tear? Oh, I’d try.

Just to see the end of you, I’d bear chastisement.

And forgiveness? I’ll take it under advisement.

 

What advantages have I gained, have I been just?

Of her departure I’ve dreamed. She vanquished; a must.

To the heavens: I’ve sinned, it’s a fact…..is she gone?

Her remains in a crypt? Expect a dance, a song.

 

Understand me, you knave, hear  my adamant plea,

One with complex eyes and eight legs; who could it be?

One in our midst must part, must vanish or perish.

Oh, your memory I vow,  I’ll cheerfully cherish.

 

Now off to church, for mass, for fresh absolution,

To have mean acts retired from my constitution,

To bow my cheerless face and pray for forgiveness.

To abstain and to forget this nasty business.

 

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