He Eats Anything
(Two young men are seated at a table.)
Alan: I wont eat it.
Alan: It moved.
Alan: It moved.
Barry (mimicking): It moved.
Alan: I wont eat it! I wont eat it!
wont eat it! Watch. Watch my plate.
Alan: I wont eat it! You eat it.
Barry (switches plates): Fine.
Alan: Dont! Dont eat it!!
Alan: It moved.
Barry: Did not.
Alan: Dont move!
Barry (lifts Alans hand, which is blocking Barry
from the plate): MOVE!
Barry (sighs): Fine.
Alan: Not fine. It moved!!!!
Barry (gestures to off stage): Mickey!
Alan: It moved! It moved! Not fine. It moved!
Barry: Fine for Mickey. Hi Mickey.
Alan: Watch my plate. It moved. Dont eat it.
Barry: Its fine. Eat it.
(Mickey reaches toward plate)
Alan: Dont! Dont! Dont! It
Barry: So? Mickey, eat it.
(Mickey eats it)
Alan: You ate it?
Mickey (smiles): Yup. It moved.
Barry (points to plate): Mickey, eat it.
Mickey (eats plate): Yup.
Barry (point to Alan): Mickey, eat up.
Mickey (eats up Alan): Yup.
Mickey (points to Barry and eats Barry up): Yup. It moved.
Snuffy broke a sweat. A tiny beast was crawling, seemingly
clawing and biting, its way up Snuffys snout, all the while leaving
behind a trail of hot irritant. In response, Snuffys facial mucus
The worm tongue experimented, to no avail, with sneezing, with
wheezing, with dry coughing, and with spitting. Meanwhile, the tiny critter,
which terrorized him, tenaciously moved closer to the inner sanctums of
In desperation, the antbear clawed at his face. His stout,
sharp, practiced nails created trenches where before had laid wholesome skin,
myofascia, and blood vessels. Crimson pooled beneath that sloths cousin.
In the interim, his intrepid conqueror climbed farther.
Although unable to cull tears at while, Snuffy launched an
avalanche of nasal secretions. Yet, no unwanted visitor rode that mass out of
either of Snuffys nostrils. Rather, only when the invader inched even
closer to the hub of Snuffys nervous system, did unbidden wetness fall.
In his last moments, as minute appendages reached for
Snuffys nucleus, the anguished anteater, driven by instinct, dipped his
entire head into his exhibits trough. At once, the distressed beast felt
a little less of the stinging, prickly sensation that had tormented him. He
A short span later, after all of his orifices had been plugged
with water, after all of the layers of his corporal tissue, which could absorb
moisture, had, Snuffy experienced relief. He failed to notice, though, the tiny
bug that had floated out, into his dish, to forever remain free of movement.
Snuffy missed that victory. In his attempt to be freed of the
pest, Snuffy had self-asphyxiated.
The Koala Bears Dilemma
Lachlan descended a meter, to Madison, who was chewing
eucalyptus. Her head tuffs were radiant in the setting sun. He wished to subtly
convey his feelings, but sufficed with calling out.
Madison twirled her ears. Within her pouch, Cameron, yet
hairless and blind, sucked. Romance would have to wait for an increase in
Tanya aspired to new heights for her nuptials day. Her bank
account, though, contended otherwise.
Ever a resourceful soul, aided by a hot glue gun, she
fashioned her gown and veil from toilet paper and a goodly amount of two-sided
tape. The results were pretty.
All went well until the wedding processional. Little Jimmy
Nupkins needed to blow his nose.
Lance Meyers, Tanyas ex-boyfriend, quickly absconded
with all possible replacement rolls. Only thereafter did he, the photographer,
film the brides sudden exposure.