Some shorts. By KJ Hannah Greenberg.

 

He Eats Anything

 

(Two young men are seated at a table.)

Alan: “I won’t eat it.”

Barry: “Why?”

Alan: “It moved.”

Barry: “What?”

Alan: “It moved.”

Barry (mimicking): “It moved.”

Alan: “I won’t eat it! I won’t eat it!
I won’t eat it! Watch. Watch my plate.”

Barry: “So?”

Alan: “Watch!”

Barry: “So?”

Alan: “I won’t eat it! You eat it.”

Barry (switches plates): “Fine.”

Alan: “Don’t! Don’t eat it!!”

Barry: “Why?”

Alan: “It moved.”

Barry: “Did not.”

Alan: “Don’t move!”

Barry: “Why?”

Alan (silence)

Barry (lift’s Alan’s hand, which is blocking Barry from the plate): “MOVE!”

Alan: “Don’t.”

Barry (sighs): “Fine.”

Alan: “Not fine. It moved!!!!”

Barry (gestures to off stage): “Mickey!”

Alan: “Don’t!”

Barry: “Why?”

Alan: “It moved! It moved! Not fine. It moved!”

Barry: “Fine for Mickey. Hi Mickey.”

(Mickey enters)

Alan: “Watch my plate. It moved. Don’t eat it.”

Barry: “It’s fine. Eat it.”

(Mickey reaches toward plate)

Alan: “Don’t! Don’t! Don’t! It moved.”

Barry: “So? Mickey, eat it.”

(Mickey eats it)

Alan: “You ate it?”

Mickey (smiles): “Yup. It moved.”

Barry: “Fine.”

Mickey: “Yup.”

Barry (points to plate): “Mickey, eat it.”

Mickey (eats plate): “Yup.”

Barry (point to Alan): “Mickey, eat up.”

Mickey (eats up Alan): “Yup.”

 

Barry: “Fine.”

Mickey (points to Barry and eats Barry up): Yup. It moved. It’s fine.”

 

 

Mini Might

 

Snuffy broke a sweat. A tiny beast was crawling, seemingly clawing and biting, its way up Snuffy’s snout, all the while leaving behind a trail of hot irritant. In response, Snuffy’s facial mucus membranes swelled.

The worm tongue experimented, to no avail, with sneezing, with wheezing, with dry coughing, and with spitting. Meanwhile, the tiny critter, which terrorized him, tenaciously moved closer to the inner sanctums of Snuffy’s brain.

In desperation, the antbear clawed at his face. His stout, sharp, practiced nails created trenches where before had laid wholesome skin, myofascia, and blood vessels. Crimson pooled beneath that sloth’s cousin. In the interim, his intrepid conqueror climbed farther.

Although unable to cull tears at while, Snuffy launched an avalanche of nasal secretions. Yet, no unwanted visitor rode that mass out of either of Snuffy’s nostrils. Rather, only when the invader inched even closer to the hub of Snuffy’s nervous system, did unbidden wetness fall.

In his last moments, as minute appendages reached for Snuffy’s nucleus, the anguished anteater, driven by instinct, dipped his entire head into his exhibit’s trough. At once, the distressed beast felt a little less of the stinging, prickly sensation that had tormented him. He dipped again.

A short span later, after all of his orifices had been plugged with water, after all of the layers of his corporal tissue, which could absorb moisture, had, Snuffy experienced relief. He failed to notice, though, the tiny bug that had floated out, into his dish, to forever remain free of movement.

Snuffy missed that victory. In his attempt to be freed of the pest, Snuffy had self-asphyxiated.

 

 

The Koala Bear’s Dilemma

 

Lachlan descended a meter, to Madison, who was chewing eucalyptus. Her head tuffs were radiant in the setting sun. He wished to subtly convey his feelings, but sufficed with calling out.

Madison twirled her ears. Within her pouch, Cameron, yet hairless and blind, sucked. Romance would have to wait for an increase in Madison’s metabolism.

 

 

Sudden Exposure

 

Tanya aspired to new heights for her nuptials day. Her bank account, though, contended otherwise.

Ever a resourceful soul, aided by a hot glue gun, she fashioned her gown and veil from toilet paper and a goodly amount of two-sided tape. The results were pretty.

All went well until the wedding processional. Little Jimmy Nupkins needed to blow his nose.

Lance Meyers, Tanya’s ex-boyfriend, quickly absconded with all possible replacement rolls. Only thereafter did he, the photographer, film the bride’s sudden exposure.

 

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