Husband:
So, Ill attribute your short-temperedness to shared
genetics.
Wife:
Were married, not biochemically related.
Husband:
After this many decades, theres been genetic
drift.
Wife:
Arctic drift?
Husband:
Certainly strong currents of air have made their impact.
Wife: We
have no heir, if thats what you mean, no one to whom to bequeath our
genes.
Husband:
Hence my point.
Wife:
Ive long admired it.
Husband:
Our genes, mdear, instead, passed to each other.
Wife: Ya
dont say. Did you know that the Japanese make statues to memorialize
their miscarried fetuses?
Husband:
We dont; thats idolatry. As I was saying ...
Wife:
Comfort isnt just a stiff drink.
Husband: And all stiffness is not
goodness. Humanity has to get used to living among Komodo dragons.
Wife: Among carnivores of the
worst kind? Do you realize that I have no blanket box? The hope chest I relied
on was
Husband:
Sciences trumps dreams! Laboratories can eliminate nightmares. Forget the
past. Lets focus on our current relatedness and the strength it
generates.
Wife:
Even if my most thought-provoking URLs have suddenly kicked
out?
Husband:
No.
Wife:
Even if we will go to our graves without descendants?
Husband:
We cant tweak nature. Weve spent a fortune in ultimately
useless medical interventions. Ill never divorce you just to have
offspring. What do you mean, kicked out?
Wife:
Honey, its you who shoots blanks. I think your sloppy twiddling
with my code messed up my Facebook page. Do I have to forgive
you?
Husband:
Maybe?
Wife:
Expectations are a bowl of eels. I wanted a baby. I never got one. I
wanted working software. Several of my social media pages simultaneously
crashed.
Husband:
I still love you. Thats worth more than the tastiest of dead
oceanic predators. Id even jump from salt water to fresh water for you.
Besides, you get what you pay for with IT help. Look, Ill reset your
software and throw in some nookie. As always, no charge. Did you consider that
we might be associated through parthenogenesis?
Wife:
Doubtful. Theres nothing asexual about you. Do you really think you
can fix it this time? Can you fix it quickly? Dont you have to have
administrative keys or whatever theyre called to tamper with public
sites? All things being equal, I might be persuaded to engage in some afternoon
delight. I just wish you would restore my pages.
Husband: Our genders are not
immaterial!
Wife:
Youre right
as always. Top or bottom
or in the shower?
How did you do that? Is that legal?
Husband:
So you agree that our closeness has generated progeny of the heart? An
hour, max, and all will be well in your electronic world.
Wife: Whatever you say,
Dear.
Husband: You, Woman, are a
wonderful, empowered synthesis of your DNA and mine.
Wife:
Yada, yada. Honeyed words and embraces? Not yet. If you cant
entirely fix my pages, Ill still have to hire someone. If I have to hire
someone, I cant spend alone time with you.
Husband: Ill fix them.
Ill fix them. Stop fretting. Stop worrying, too, over children who will
never be.
Wife:
Excuse me! Menopause might be here to stay, but theres nothing in
your biological code that should make you fall asleep early most
nights.
Husband:
Yup. Theres the proof - genetic drift has overtaken us. I emulate
you, the sweetums who would rather wrap her arms around her pillow than around
me.
Wife:
Snarky amoeba.
Husband:
Mitosis has nothing to do with us. It might, though, be an insight into
your software glitches.
Wife:
Scientists think Acanthamoeba employ meiosis. What do you
mean insight?
Husband:
AI evolves. Deuces! This stuffs tricky. Maybe I should ask one of
the guys at work to help me debug it. More importantly, I was top last time.
Would you like me to rent a private bungalow and a secluded pool? I
cant stop thinking about cytoplasmic extensions.
Wife: Arc
on back. AI doesnt evolve. Youve been reading too much speculative
fiction. Yours, at least, isnt a false foot. Social experimental
randomness! Cant you just restore function to my media and be done with
it? If we dont rent a bungalow and pool, we could go out for
steak.
Husband:
Animal protein makes you nauseous.
Wife:
but it energizes you.
Husband:
Sandwiches.
Wife:
?
Husband:
You could order avocado toast and I could order something that has ceased
to breathe.
Wife:
Thats not exactly language thats conducive to our
comingling.
Husband:
Those are your words, recycled. You harangue me with them every time I
want dead cow or stifled chicken. Im not surprised Im parroting
you. I told you were experiencing genetic drift.
Wife:
Maybe. Omelets and then cuddles? Wow! That looks better already. You
should give up corporate work and freelance as a hacker.
Husband:
How would we fuel your online subscriptions? How would we buy eggs for
omelets or pay mortgage or
Wife:
Enough! Are you ever going to acknowledge my losses?
Husband:
Wanna buy a baby?
Wife:
Really? I mean no! Thatd be either criminal or very,
very expensive. Even you dont earn enough to cover those
fees.
Husband:
Then no. While Ive got these files open, want me to fix your source
code?
Wife:
Literally or figuratively, the source code, that is?
Husband:
I thought you knew me - both, of course.
Wife:
Lets back up this machine beforehand. Maybe tofu instead of
omelets? Its weird for me to eat eggs after Ive stopped producing
them. Did you know I felt that way?
Husband:
PB & J works, too.
Wife:
Hard to get out of the sheets.
Husband:
But delicious on sourdough. Sheets? Im confused. Priorities, lady,
priorities. Read em off one at a time. Sourdoughs in the
freezer?
Wife:
Were not fixing my source code?
Husband:
Royal we?
Wife:
Genetic drift.