It was a beautiful spring day on the
planet of Euphemista. On the campus of Peacen Contentment University, otherwise
known as PCU, the sun looked down benignly from a clear blue sky, trees and
plants were blooming, birds chirped happily, lithesome coed in shorts strolled
to their classes and a protest rally was being held in front of the
Administration Building. On the steps of the building, a beautiful young woman
was speaking into a bullhorn. Who is she? asked John Goodman, a
Dont you know? said
his friend Al Warner. Thats Gloria Frieden. Shes the leader
of the Feminist Council.
What are they protesting
They want more feminist
I thought we had enough of
Theres never enough for
them. They want to revamp the Earth Studies program. They want a class on Anne
Hathaway instead of Shakespeare; a class on Martha instead of George
Washington; a class on Michelle instead of Barack Obama.
That seems reasonable to me,
said John. Shes beautiful. Im going to meet
Dont be crazy, said
Al. Women like her are poison. They hate men. If you so much as look at
her, shes liable to accuse you of rape, or at least of violating her safe
zone. Bull Johnson, the captain of the football team, tried to ask her out and
she threatened to bring him up on charges.
Youre exaggerating. Anyway,
I dont care. Im going to meet her.
Dont say I didnt warn
The planet Euphemista had long ago
outpaced the Earth in incorporating political correctness (PC) in all aspects
of society. Diversity was the watchword so that in workplaces women, gays,
bis and trans were given preference through an extension of the temporary
but centuries-old affirmative action laws. This was even though
women and gays had long ago outpaced men in employment, executive positions and
salary. It was said that some men even declared themselves gay in order to take
advantage of their special status. In colleges of course students had long
since taken over the setting of courses and the rules of conduct on campus.
Women still claimed they were victims of sexual predators but the fact was, as
Al had told John, that it was a brave male student whod make advances to
a coed for fear of being accused of sexual misconduct and summarily expelled.
It should be mentioned that there existed a small group of so-called Dissidents
who wouldnt accept PC precepts and campaigned against them. They were
It was a week later. John Goodman had
patiently waited on line to see Gloria Frieden, who was seated behind a table
piled high with pamphlets, signing up students for a march on the state
capital, John wasnt sure for what, but this would give him a chance to
approach the woman hed been dreaming about and thinking about when awake.
Seen up close, Gloria was even more beautiful than hed imagined. She had
raven-black hair, startling blue eyes and a firm mouth and chin. Sign
there, said Gloria.
Id be happy to, said
John. Uh, would you have a cup of coffee with me after youre
Gloria looked up, surprised. Few male
students had ever dared to ask her to have coffee with them. She saw a handsome
young man with blonde hair and an artless look. Shed make quick work of
him. Im far too busy to have cups of coffee with anybody, she
said. At that moment, a group of burly students approached the table,
members of the football team, led by their captain, Bull Johnson. What do
you want, Bull? said Gloria. Didnt I tell you to stay away
Yeah, heres what I think of
you crazy bitches, said Bull. He swung his arm and scattered the
pamphlets all over, then he and his teammates overturned the table. Gloria
sprang back. John said, Hey, you cant do
Stay out of this, snarled
John tried to push Bull away; the next
thing he knew he was being swarmed over; he felt a punch to his jaw, saw stars
and then everything went black. When he opened his eyes, Gloria Frieden was
bent over him. Are you all right? she asked.
I think Im in heaven and I
see a beautiful angel.
In spite of herself, Gloria blushed.
Can you get up?
Yes, now will you have that cup of
coffee with me? I laid down my life to defend you, well,
John and Gloria were in the campus
coffee shop. John had told Gloria all about himself, how he was from a small
town, his father was a preacher and his mother was a teacher, hed won a
scholarship to PCU and aspired to be a doctor so that he could help people.
Gloria knew that all men were sexual predators who wanted only one thing, but
could this naïve young man be an exception? She found herself in her turn
telling him about her background and her ambitions. She was from a
megacity, her father was a community organizer and her mother was an activist
lawyer. What was her goal in life? She wanted nothing less than to become
president. John listened, entranced. Hed never met anyone like this girl,
woman, he should say. He had no doubt that shed succeed in achieving her
goal. Where this left him, he didnt stop to think. All he knew was that
he was in love with her.
Two weeks later, John and Gloria made
love in her dormitory room. How this came about, Gloria didnt know. She
only knew that John aroused strange feelings in her, feelings that she
couldnt resist. John felt that life for him couldnt get any better.
The next week he was brought up on charges of sexual assault.
What had happened? Glorias
roommate had returned and found Gloria lying on her bed, seemingly in a daze.
She asked Gloria if she was all right. Gloria said that John Goodman had been
there. The roommate asked if John had assaulted her. Gloria said
she didnt know. The roommate said that all men were sexual predators so
he probably did. Gloria had to see to it that he was punished. She owed it to
the Feminist Council.
The next week John received the notice
from the PCU Judiciary Board. Hed been accused of sexual assault. He was
stunned. What did I tell you? said Al Warner. I warned
There must be some mistake,
said John. Gloria would never say that.
The PCU Judiciary Board was in session.
Maxine Rivers, Dean of the all-powerful Gender Studies Department, presided.
John Goodman was allowed to be present but, according to the rules, could not
testify. In all the history of such proceedings, the male student was always
presumed to be guilty and had always been expelled. Gloria had testified as to
Johns actions. At the end of her testimony, she said that the Board
should be merciful toward him as hed been blinded by passion. Hed
even said he loved her.
John stood up. Before anyone could stop
him, he said, I know I cant testify but Id like to say that
Gloria Frieden is the finest person Ive ever known and if she thinks I
sexually assaulted her then that must be true. Im ready to take my
punishment. Gloria, I told you I loved you and I do.
Oh, John, said Gloria.
He didnt assault me. I think I love you, too. She
and John hugged each other and kissed.
This is very irregular, said
Maxine Rivers. Are you withdrawing your
Yes. John is
This will lead to a bad precedent.
The Judiciary Board will have to take this up in closed
John and Gloria didnt care about
this. They came together and kissed. At PCU, despite everything, love had
triumphed, for the moment.
In the end, the Board found John guilty
on the general grounds that he was a male, and a white male at that. John was
expelled from PCU. Gloria also had to leave the college as her defense of John
had made her a pariah to all women students. They joined the Dissidents. John
took courses under an assumed name and became a nurse. He spent his days, as
hed hoped, helping people. Gloria eventually became the leader of the
Dissidents. Life at PCU went on as before. Bull Johnson was expelled, as was
inevitable. Al Warner came out as being gay. The rules were changed so that
once a coed had brought a charge against a male student it couldnt be