If Shakespeare Was Alive Today
by Martin Green

 

 

 

“Don’t get me wrong, Bill.    It’s a powerful play, maybe a masterpiece, but there’s a few things, you know, that might have to be changed.”

 

The speaker was Shakespeare’s producer, Bert Comstock.

 

“Just a few things,” said Ernie Comstock, Bert’s brother and co-producer.

 

“Okay. I know killing off Ophelia like that was pretty hard to take,” said Shakespeare.    “Maybe I can lighten that up a bit.”

 

“It’s not that,” said Bert.    “You see, the Danish government  is concerned about your portrayal of their country and people.    They’d like certain scenes and lines to be altered to give a more favorable image of Denmark.    They’re particularly upset with the line “Something is rotten in the state of Denmrk.”

 

“Hmmm, maybe I can change that around.”

 

“Yes, they think it contributes to a negative stereotype of Danish culture.    They’d also like you to rewrite the character of Hamlet as a Danish hero who saves his country from a foreign invader rather than a tortured soul driven to madness and revenge.”

 

“Madness and revenge, tsk, tsk,” said Ernie.

 

“What?” Said Shakespeare.    “That would change the whole play.”

 

“Well, think about it, Bill.    That’s all we ask.    Then there’s “Romeo and Juliet.”    We …”

 

“No, they’re star-crossed lovers; they have to die at the end.”

 

“We weren’t thinking of that, although it would be nice if they survive and then the two families reconcile.    You known that people like a happy ending.    But the main thing is that the Italian officials have contacted us and they think the play could be considered offensive to the Italian people due to the tragic nature of the story and the portrayal of violence in Italian society.”

 

“Violence in the Italian society,” said Ernie, shaking his head..

 

“Maybe I can cut out a death or two,” said Shakespeare.

 

“Well, the Italian officials suggest you relocate the play to a fictional location with no reference to Italians.”

 

“What fools these mortals be,” muttered Shakespeare under his breath.

 

“What was that?”

 

“Nothing.    I’ll think about it.”

 

“Okay.    Now here’s the real problem    I’m referring to “Othello” of course.    These political correct people, you know how easily they get upset.    We were wondering ……

 

 

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