I cannot escape it.
feeling that clings to my every part.
From the deepest most private
the superficial expression on my face.
It sticks to me like winter frost on
a dull cold morning.
As rust on
It is as persistent.
Methodically and slowly infecting my
Devouring me to the last
Is this merely depression that a pill can cure?
Or something more ominous.
Could it be the final collapse of a will and
Held so strong for so long
But now on bent knee,
to the constant
Unrelenting truth of my present.
The fact that it is,
in no way, what I would like it to be.
I feel like I am being eaten from the inside.
An old rotting piece of oak
Being digested by termites.
As a bucket bent out of shape and riddled with holes.
lost its use.
This nameless, faceless, foe
That I have known
For time that seems too long to recall.
Pushing me closer to the edge.
Im so tiered of
pretending that everything is ok,
Every smile is forced.
I gave up so
That I dont know if I have already been pushed off or not.
Somehow it does feel like falling.
I view the world through eyes
covered in a haze of dissolution.
I see-saw between
Brief moments of happiness
just to cry
And total loss of myself just to not care.
remember what up is
Or how I got this far down.
All I want is change
that never comes
At least not for me.
I watch others change, grow
All the while Im drowning in the stagnant waters of
Is this what happens when you give
who take with no regard.
Is this what Im left with
When no one
Is this me with the damaged mind
hides behind his anger and hate.
Is this me who is so scared
no one to ever see him
Or how deep the scars run.
I deal with my world and hope
Im not mad.
We all have a world we walk in
That is our own.
The one between our ears.
I see the world I know, alone
is no-one else
That sees it or me.
All we want is someone who sees the
world we do.
All I want is someone to tell me Im not mad.
Im tiered of living in emptiness.
Consumed by self hate and denial.
I deny the fact that I am who I am
Because I hate myself and the waste of space I occupy.
in this cell called the life I have
And I wish to escape.