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by Jack Henry






he loved

from afar

this woman

untouchable woman

from afar he loved

and lived and dreamed

and chased the inner demon lust

across the vast steppes of a frozen land


mother Russia

and Moscow

and eruptions of parliamentarian disrepute

skulls cracked and fragmented

into shards of voices never quelled

but forgotten

in the fog of war

the fog of life


forgotten into the bitter black

of forests laid bare across the flesh

of dying souls




a line, (a short blue one)





i have a secret

a craving

something i don't want to admit to

but something real



it creeps on me

when i am alone

or in groups

on the freeway locked down in traffic

on my knees in a dark alley


it comes alive & whispers

in my ear

'remember me?'

'remember me?'


she won't leave me be


alone, tv on,

drug documentary

how it's made

how it's sold

who gets hurt

who gets paid


i watch it






a familiar itch begins

i am piqued

i remember

but this sister never wrapped her coils

around me

never drew me in

took control


and yet...


the whisper gets louder

the next episode

the itch gets deeper

the whisper begins to sing




m e t h a n p h e t a m i n e


how it's made

how it's sold

who gets hurt

who gets paid


i want to change channels

look at porn

watch baking shows

or maybe go outside

walk in the sun

but a trembling finger does

not press the right button


and i watch

and remember


without thinking



i reach for my phone

dial a number

speak in a low voice

15 minutes, come over

30 minutes, back home


a button bag

filled with white rock






d o p e


quickly i crush

stone to powder

on my Formica table top

w/my gym membership card

roll a five into a slender tube

hold it to one nostril


another nostril



it's immediate

as it burns through the thin

membranes of my sinuses


i go into a mellow

euphoric state



before the speed i had Adderall

crushed & snorted


paid for by insurance

prescribed by a doctor that accepted cash payment


i sat there





tried to write


tried to masturbate


tried to do something



how long had it been?

the sweet burn kept rising

heart raced

i felt magic





another line

push it deeper

no more thought

or memory

or present reality


just the rush

another line

the rush

another line

the rush

another line


then nothing


days went by

i lick each speck of dust

from empty button bags

make a phone

15 minutes, come over

30 minutes, i'm back


days pass

work calls

'where are you?'

'i'm here'

'are you sick?'

'i am'


i am



a line, (a short blue one)



a call to prayers


the first time you stabbed me

i said 'you sharpen the knife,'

knowing the next  time could be the

last time & i wanted it to be quick.


but you never listened,

never cared, never told me

stories about love & dreams & happy endings.


and when you left, the last time,

i changed locks & phone numbers,

in hopes of peace, a respite

from your tortured life.


but you came back,

when the money ran dry,

when the con fell apart, when

the next mark wised up & told

you a sharper knife would work better.


the cops let me go,

called it self-defense, but

now you are truly captured

deep in last vesper

of my quivering heart.




a line, (a blue one)


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