Its an honour,
and an onus, to open this crisis summit,
where the very life of
the planet is our remit.
Clearly the earth is in
trouble, the earth is ailing.
Sadly the measures
weve taken so far are failing.
To save the world and
its peoples from climate catastrophe,
its vital for us
to act together with urgency,
agreeing on bold new
pledges which we all endorse.
(Non-binding, of course.)
This assembly will lead
the way to a world that is green,
a world that is safe
for all and healthy and clean.
Our policies will move
in a pivotal new direction.
(Well, MAYBE, after the next election.)
We must end at once our
role as natures conqueror
and pursue a landmark
mission as natures protector.
On this, I know,
were all in perfect accord.
(I also know Im getting bloody bored.)
We must set
game-changing targets that well meet or surpass.
(And upset our donors? My arse!)
As our children will
bear the brunt of global heating,
protecting them is the
primary aim of this meeting.
And so I say to our
youth: now you can hope.
(And then you can go piss up a rope.)
Well utilize all
the resources of emerging technology
to ensure climate
security as our legacy.
We WILL prevail
this I solemnly swear.
(Jesus, look at the tits on her.)
Together we WILL
achieve net zero.
(Oh WILL we? I dont think so.)
Thats my pledge,
thats my historic vow.
(Thank Christ thats over and I can piss off now.)