The Martian Invasion
by Martin Green
appearance of a Martian spaceship over Washington D.C. in the wake of the
ISIS-inspired attacks in Paris and California, the Northern Korea nuclear test,
the Iran nuclear deal, the new television season and the unending presidential
debates was the last straw. Needless to say, there was an emergency
meeting in the White House. The President, who had been forced to
cut short his Hawaiian vacation, turned to his CIA Director. How come we
didnt have any intelligence on this?, he asked.
"Wasnt there increased chatter coming from Mars?
the chatter in this town, Mr. President, its hard to tell.
Besides, our intelligence was directed elsewhere. You remember,
Libya, Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq, Baltimore, Fergusen.
all be connected to the bungling policies of the previous
administration. Now were paying the price.
Contact the Martians and let them know were no longer a cowboy nation and
will use diplomacy to get along with them to preserve my legacy of not being
In an emergency
session of Congress, Democrats blamed Republicans for the Martian invasion,
citing obstructionism, sexism, the war on women, homophobia, Wall Street and
the rich not paying their fair share. The Republicans blamed
the Democrats, citing cuts in the American military, American withdrawal from
the Middle East, executive orders and Obamacare.
Hillary Clinton said
that with her years of experience as Secretary of State she was best equipped
to deal with the Martians. Donald Trump said that the
Martians should not be allowed into the country and that he would build a wall
to keep them out.
one of the TV cable channels, various pundits were telling interviewers that
wed known about the possibility of a Martian invasion for years, look at
the latest War of the Worlds movie, and neither the Republicans or
the Democrats had done anything to prepare for it.
another cable channel, the Reverend Jesse Sharpton was telling a reporter,
This shows conclusively that this is still a racist solar
system. Why didnt the Martian spaceship appear over a mostly
white city? This all goes back to the days of slavery.
First, the white people, now the Martians.
The New York
Times front page story asked the question: is the Martian invasion linked
to global warming? Half a dozen scientists weighed in on
spaceship descended and a Martian who looked like ET disembarked.
The President, whod cancelled his golf game, greeted him and said we were
open to an agreement that would give the Martians billions of dollars if they
agreed to suspend development of nuclear weapons or whatever.
The Martian assured the President they had come in peace and to help the
Americans. He then returned to the space ship, which disappeared
into the clouds.
mystified until it was discovered that all of the presidential candidates had
vanished with the ship.
Read old page 94s here.