The Martian Invasion

by Martin Green

 

     The sudden appearance of a Martian spaceship over Washington D.C. in the wake of the ISIS-inspired attacks in Paris and California, the Northern Korea nuclear test, the Iran nuclear deal, the new television season and the unending presidential debates was the last straw.   Needless to say, there was an emergency meeting in the White House.   The President, who had been forced to cut short his Hawaiian vacation, turned to his CIA Director. “How come we didn’t have any intelligence on this?,” he asked.   "Wasn’t there increased chatter coming from Mars?”

     “With all the chatter in this town, Mr. President, it’s hard to tell.   Besides, our intelligence was directed elsewhere.   You remember, Libya, Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq, Baltimore, Fergusen.”

     “This must all be connected to the bungling policies of the previous administration.   Now we’re paying the price.    Contact the Martians and let them know we’re no longer a cowboy nation and will use diplomacy to get along with them to preserve my legacy of not being George Bush. ”

     In an emergency session of Congress, Democrats blamed Republicans for the Martian invasion, citing obstructionism, sexism, the war on women, homophobia, Wall Street and the rich not paying their fair share.    The Republicans blamed the Democrats, citing cuts in the American military, American withdrawal from the Middle East, executive orders and Obamacare.

    Hillary Clinton said that with her years of experience as Secretary of State she was best equipped to deal with the Martians.    Donald Trump said that the Martians should not be allowed into the country and that he would build a wall to keep them out.

     Meanwhile, on one of the TV cable channels, various pundits were telling interviewers that we’d known about the possibility of a Martian invasion for years, look at the latest “War of the Worlds” movie, and neither the Republicans or the Democrats had done anything to prepare for it.

       On another cable channel, the Reverend Jesse Sharpton was telling a reporter, “This shows conclusively that this is still a racist solar system.   Why didn’t the Martian spaceship appear over a mostly white city?   This all goes back to the days of slavery.   First, the white people, now the Martians. “

     The New York Times front page story asked the question:  is the Martian invasion linked to global warming?    Half a dozen scientists weighed in on either side.  

     The Martian spaceship descended and a Martian who looked like ET disembarked.   The President, who’d cancelled his golf game, greeted him and said we were open to an agreement that would give the Martians billions of dollars if they agreed to suspend development of nuclear weapons or whatever.    The Martian assured the President they had come in peace and to help the Americans.   He then returned to the space ship, which disappeared into the clouds.

     Everyone was mystified until it was discovered that all of the presidential candidates had vanished with the ship.

 

 

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