Knick-knacks and trinkets
There's some kind of compulsion in most of us to acquire
stuff. Stuff in the form of curios, knick-knacks, souvenirs and, worst
of all, things that'll "come in useful".
I've got lots of things that should've "come in useful" at least
once in all the years I've had them, but never have.
I would throw them away
but I know full well that the day afterwards I'll need the very thing I've just
got rid of.
I'm deluding myself of course.
When will I ever need that
fondant set, or the thing that cuts tomatoes into spirals?
Will I ever use any of the three different coffee-makers that
take ages to clean afterwards?
Or the Japanese rice-steamer, or the two old
printers that you can't get ink cartridges for any more? You know, the ones
that take a week to print one page. They're really well-built though... seems a
shame to chuck them...
The problem for us of "a certain age" is that consumer goods are
now so cheap that we could well afford to lob away any piece of slightly dodgy
domestic equipment and buy a nice new one, but we can't bring ourselves to do
"There's plenty of life in this old electric kettle" we say (despite the
fact that the knob's missing off the lid and it blows fuses occasionally) and
stash it away somewhere.
If all this rings true for you, I think I may have a solution to
your tat-related problems:
Bring me your slightly dented toasters, your revolting
table-lamps, your clocks with a rotating ballerina inside, your collection of
beer-mats from the 1970s, that tea-towel with pictures of cats on it that's
made from completely non-absorbent material.
No! Wait a moment.. for
goodness sake don't bring them to me. What I meant to say was:
Flog them on Ebay!
There'll be someone out there who wants it.
believe it, it's amazing.
I know that I should feel a bit guilty about
off-loading my unwanted junk onto some other poor sap who'll wonder why he
bought it for years afterwards, but they weren't forced to bid were
There is, of course, a flaw in my plan. A serious flaw...
I have started bidding for other people's tat.
Soon I'll have more than I had before! There's no way out... I'm
doomed to die surrounded by rubbish that my children will have to dispose of.
Perhaps they'll place me on a giant funeral pyre of Q Magazines and old Hi-Fi
Help me before it's too late.... just bid on
© Winamop. October 2004
Read old page 94s here.